The bill would require the state to define what qualifies as “outdoor cultivation,” which sounds simple until you realize that bureaucrats may need to debate whether a plant grown under a single cloud counts. Proponents argue that sun-grown weed is more environmentally friendly, less expensive to produce, and might even come with bonus vitamin D. Critics, meanwhile, are presumably the mole people of the cannabis world, who fear natural light and fresh air.
The proposed legislation also tasks the Office of Cannabis Policy with creating a certification program—because nothing says “authentic weed” like a government-issued gold star. Imagine proudly holding a joint stamped with a seal of approval that reads: “Certified by the Sun, Endorsed by Bureaucracy.” Maine might soon become the Napa Valley of weed, minus the pretentious wine sommeliers and with far more flannel.
While the bill’s fate is still uncertain, the very idea of politicians rallying around photosynthesis is a win in itself. If it passes, Mainers can expect a blossoming market of sun-baked buds, earthy aromas, and stoned hippies preaching about terroir. As always, the forecast remains partly cloudy with a chance of munchies.
Dabbin-Dad Newsroom
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