Let’s be real: the Super Bowl isn’t just a football game—it’s America’s gladiator circus, corporate flex-off, and nacho cheese fountain rolled into one. It’s the one day a year when everyone—stoner or not—pretends they care about touchdowns, Bud Light, and a halftime show featuring someone who probably peaked in 2015. But if you’re doing it without weed, you’re missing the magic.
First, let’s talk tailgates. Whether you’re freezing in the stadium parking lot or hosting a couch-gating session at home, weed is essential. Why? Because weed slows time. That’s right—seven-layer dip tastes better when the layers hit in slow motion. And those pregame interviews? Suddenly, they’re Shakespearean dramas. Will Patrick Mahomes avenge last year’s ankle injury? Did the kicker’s pregame playlist really include Nickelback? Light up, and it all becomes fascinating.
Then there’s the game itself. Now, I know football purists will scream, “Focus on the plays!” But here’s the thing: cannabis unlocks the layers of the sport the NFL doesn’t even advertise. The commentators start sounding like philosophers, breaking down the poetry of a third-and-long. The guy in the third quarter who spills beer all over his girlfriend in the stands? He’s the real MVP. Weed doesn’t just let you watch the game—it lets you feel it.
And don’t get me started on the commercials. Weed transforms those 30-second corporate spectacles into art. Sure, sober people laugh at the Doritos ad, but when you’re stoned, you’re inside the Doritos universe, chasing a flying chip through a neon desert while Elton John serenades you. You might not remember the final score, but you’ll never forget the emotional journey of a talking beer can who just wanted to be loved.
Now, if you’re at the Super Bowl, congrats—you’re probably spending all of your rent money to sit next to a guy who is 1/2 naked and has painted his entire chest green. This is where weed becomes your ally. That $15 hot dog? Best hot dog of your life. The guy screaming “DE-FENSE” at decibels only dogs can hear? Suddenly hilarious. Weed turns chaos into camaraderie.
But let’s not forget the halftime show. Whether it’s Kendrick Lamar, Springsteen, or a hologram of Prince, halftime is a stoner’s paradise. The lights, the lasers, the inexplicable guest appearances (Why is DJ Khaled here? Who invited him?)—it’s all better when you’re a little baked. Watching sober? You’ll think, “Eh, this is fine.” Watching stoned? You’ll believe you’ve just witnessed the single greatest moment in human history.
So here’s the play-by-play: Roll a joint, pack a bowl, grab a vape—whatever your method, just don’t fumble the opportunity. Because the Super Bowl isn’t about who wins or loses. It’s about the snacks, the spectacle, and the shared experience of yelling at a TV. Weed just makes it all… bigger.
And if your team loses? Who cares? That’s what the post-game joint is for. Pass the chips.
Keep it weird,
