Smokey and The Bandit

I had a meeting at The Cellar on Treadwell with potential future entrepreneurs and an order of truffled tater tots. The meeting went a bit into overtime so I wasn’t heading home until later in the evening. I was meeting with some individuals that were looking to get into the legal market here in CT when the new program rolls out and we were talking about it…

Once we wrapped up our meeting I was given a few gifts to take home and try out. I was given a couple of flowers and munchables. I thanked them for their generosity and headed out. I had quite the drive ahead on me. I put the music on 11, put the car in sports mode, and shot off like a rocket.

I just tossed my items onto the passenger seat (some was in my hoodie pockets) and started to play back my audio notes over the car system. I engaged in the reflective process. Everything we had discussed was being revisited during transit. I was starting to think about a late night burger, that’s when I first noticed the lights in the distance. Blue and red ones, better slow my roll a little.

As I got closer, I realized the patrol car was pulled over on the other side of the road with another officer slowly pulling up behind the already pulled over patrol car. I slowed (I don’t want to draw any attention) and began to wonder if this was some sort of back woods DUI check? Was there debris in the roadway? Dead animal? Nope. Nothing. Just a couple of police officers on the side of the road. Nothing to see here. Off I go. It would seem that they felt differently.

I switched off my notes and flipped on some driving music. I was fumbling for a cigarette. I found one and hung it off my lip and just as I went to flick my bic, red and blue lights everywhere. I looked in my rearview, there was no one else around at this hour. They were definitely after me. I have to surrender. My heart sank… 🚨

As I looked for a place to pull over, my brain went into ‘old school’ survival mode. I haven’t been pulled over in decades. I started to remove my herbal gifts from my pockets and began stuffing them in between the seat on both sides of me. I was panicking. I was beginning to lose my cool and starting to come undone.

I pulled into a small parking lot on the side of the road. I didn’t move and waited for the officer to reach my door. The light was really bright, so I couldn’t see much. But I definitely saw a second squad car rolling up right behind the one that pulled me over. Oh boy…

That’s when the officer reached my door. “Good evening sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

I hate that question. If I knew why you were pulling me over, I wouldn’t have done it. I certainly wouldn’t have done it right in front of you. “Oh there’s a cop. Let me do something completely stupid with you right behind me. That’s a great idea. This way you can give me tons of tickets, impound my car, and beat the crap out of me before dragging me off to the slammer.” said no one EVER.

“No sir. What seems to be the problem officer?” I replied.

”When I ran your plate, it showed your registration expired last April.” 

“My registration says I’m good through 2024. There’s gotta be a mistake.” I replied knowing that he can tow my car and leave me on the side of the road if my registration was expired or compromised or whatever.

“Can I just go into my glove box and grab my paperwork? I’m sure we can clear this up.” I asked.

“Yes.” said the patrolman. “Wait a minute. What’s that shiny thing on your seat sticking out from under those papers?”

Oh my god. I missed one. In my panic mode I had forgotten about the items that I threw on the seat next to me. I must be slipping. Once I move the paperwork, there’s going to be more to see. Plus there’s a loose bud in my shirt pocket that I just remembered because I felt it brush my nipple. I could suddenly smell it too. If I can smell it, he can smell it.

I’m F-ed.

“Oh that?” I asked.

I reached over and picked it up and held it right in the light so he could absolutely see what it was. “It’s just a small jar of cannabis.” I replied.

“If it’s just that small jar, then why can I smell it over here?” asked the officer.

He was talking about my nipple bud. I knew it.

My anxiety went from 0 to “OH MY GOD!!!” in 1/1000 of a second. I started getting hot flashes and could feel my heart begin to race. Faster and faster I could feel my heart starting to bang against my chest from the inside out. My mind raced frantically trying to think of something to say or do. Nothing was coming to mind. I had no excuses. The jig was up. They were going to run me through. I was finished and the panic went right into overload short circuit. All this happened in about 3.5 seconds before I boiled over.

Did you ever see the movie Goonies? (If you haven’t then your childhood was horrible and you need to watch that film as soon as humanly possible before you miss out on an important aspect of life.) Remember the scene when the bad guys are threatening Chunk? (Spoiler alert) They threaten to stick his hand in a blender if he doesn’t tell them everything. Well… That’s where my head was at and I totally Chunked out. 💯

“I’m a writer for a media outlet that covers the cannabis industry. I met with some people to do an article about the recreational market that will be rolling out later next year. When we called it a wrap, they gave me some gifts to play with while I completed the article.” I said as I reached down on either side of me and grabbed all the containers I had stashed and threw them up on the dash to be examined. “ That’s the smell.” I finished and started showing the officer some of my articles on my cell phone. 📱

He looked perplexed. He looked at me, looked at the dash board, and then at me again.

“Wait here and don’t move.” said the officer as he headed back to his patrol car. I could see him a little in my rear view mirror. I could see that the officers were engaged in conversation. I noticed the officer that has approached my vehicle slapped himself on the forehead and then shook his head before getting back into his car. What was that about?

Now both officers were approaching my vehicle, one on each side. I didn’t need to guess why as I looked around my car. The officer on the passenger side stopped at the rear quarter panel. My guy came back to the window. This was it. This is where they tell me to get out of the car and turn around and a tow truck comes and takes my car away while I wait for a HUGE bill that I can’t afford. I’m doomed…⚰️

I went to speak and was quickly interrupted. “Don’t say another word.” I said nothing and just looked at him with puppy dog eyes.🥺

“I could tow your car ya know. Expired registration is not a good thing and can get you into some big trouble. Can you resolve this tomorrow?”

I just shook my head ‘yes’. He told me not to speak.

“I’m issuing you a written warning. This way if you get pulled over again before you can get it resolved another officer can see that you were already spoken to about it and that you are in the process of fixing it.”

I wasn’t being hauled away? No tow truck was coming? Are they going to take my stash?

“Clear off your dash board and put that stuff away. Otherwise drive safe and have a good night.” finished the officer as he headed back to his patrol car.

I sat there in silence for a brief moment before rolling off. This just blew my mind.

Once upon a time… Here in CT any amount of cannabis would have ended in an arrest with the car towed and impounded. Plus there would be all the financial burdens that went along with it, but I was just going home now. Believe me, I’ve experienced a few of these in my past life. To know the laws is one thing, but to experience them is another. Legalized, legitimized, and free to go.