With a passion that could only be matched by their disdain for anything that remotely smells of change, the local officials have crafted a proposal so ironclad, it could double as a medieval torture device. It’s a zoning regulation amendment, a document so riveting it makes the Magna Carta look like a takeout menu.
The proposal, which is as subtle as a sledgehammer to the kneecaps, aims to specifically prohibit cannabis establishments in the town. This includes, but is not limited to, dispensaries, growers, manufacturers, or retail establishments. It’s a comprehensive list that leaves no stone unturned, no potential pot peddler unscathed.
And why, you might ask, is this necessary? Well, it seems that the current zoning regulations, which already don’t permit cannabis establishments as part of a broader category of business, are just not explicit enough. The fear of ambiguity looms large in Darien, much like the fear of a rogue cannabis leaf finding its way onto their pristine streets.
The public hearing for this proposal is set for June 11, 2024, at the Town Hall Room 206, where the townsfolk can gather and discuss the impending doom of potential cannabis commerce. It’s expected to be a gathering of epic proportions, with arguments as fiery as the joints they oppose.
So, hats off to Darien, the town that’s bravely facing the future by firmly planting its feet in the past. In a world where change is the only constant, Darien stands as a beacon of stubborn resistance, a testament to the enduring power of saying, “No, thank you.”
Keep it weird,
