Ah, Rhode Island. The smallest state in the union, proving once again that you don’t need a massive landmass to pull off legendary levels of bureaucratic bureaucracy.
Because yes, you read that correctly: Rhode Island is officially smashing the giant “Control + Alt + Delete” button on their entire weed licensing system and starting completely over.
Who the fuck does that? Rhode Island regulators, that’s who.
If you missed the first season of this reality show, here is the quick recap:
Chapter 1: “We Have a Plan!”
Back in 2022, Rhode Island legalized recreational weed and said, “Alright, we’re gonna issue 24 new dispensary licenses! But to keep things local, you MUST be a Rhode Island resident to get one.”
Sounds nice and protectionist, right? Except someone immediately pointed out that restricting interstate commerce is aggressively unconstitutional. A federal judge agreed, threw a yellow flag on the field, and frozen the whole lottery system right as officials were about to pull names out of a hat.
Chapter 2: “Throw It All in the Trash”
Instead of just tweaking the rules or letting the court case play out, state lawmakers panicked, passed two brand new bills, and decided the best course of action was to nuke the entire previous application pool into outer space.
- The 97 hopeful entrepreneurs who already applied? Too bad!
- The $7,500 application fees they paid? Rhode Island is mailing those back like a guilty ex returning a hoodie.
- The $30,000 yearly licensing fees they prepaid? Also getting refunded.
- The thousands of dollars they spent paying rent on empty storefronts for months while waiting for the state to figure its life out? LOL, sorry about your luck! Thanks for playing!
Chapter 3: “Rebooting…”
So now, the Cannabis Control Commission opened up the portal again and basically posted: “Hey guys, take two! Everything we did before didn’t count. Please re-submit your applications from scratch. Deadline is November!”
Imagine going to a restaurant, waiting two hours for your food, and right when the waiter walks out with your steak, he looks you in the eye, throws it directly into the garbage, hands you a blank menu, and says: “Okay! Let’s try this again from the top. What can I get started for you today?”
So if you’re looking to open a dispensary in Providence, dust off your resume, re-fill out the exact same paperwork you filled out last year, and pray nobody files another lawsuit before November—or you might be doing this again in 2028.
Dabbin-Dad Newsroom
