Light Up, Log Off, and Chill the Hell Out
Every few months, someone drops another “stoner study” claiming your weed is secretly plotting against you. The latest headline-maker says people who use cannabis to treat pain, anxiety, or stress report higher levels of—wait for it—paranoia and anxiety.
So apparently, folks who were anxious before lighting up are… still anxious.
Groundbreaking.
The Study Heard ’Round the Smoke Circle
Researchers at King’s College London surveyed thousands of cannabis users to see why they started using in the first place—medical relief or just for fun. Those who said they were self-medicating reported heavier use and, sure, higher levels of anxiety and paranoia.
And from that, the media lost its mind. Suddenly, “self-medicating with cannabis” was the new “summoning demons through jazz records.”
But here’s the blunt truth: the study found a correlation, not a cause. It’s like saying “umbrellas cause rain” because you only see them when it’s wet outside.
Science or Spin?
Let’s be real. If you’re smoking because your back hurts or your brain won’t shut up, you already came to the session carrying baggage. Measuring your paranoia levels after the fact doesn’t prove the weed did it—it just proves you’re human.
Also, the people using cannabis therapeutically tend to use more of it. That’s not surprising; people don’t take half a Tylenol for a migraine either. More use = more variables. But nuance doesn’t make headlines, so the clickbait machine fired up anyway.
The Real High: Weaponized Research
This is where it gets messy. Studies like this—honest attempts to learn more—get chewed up, spun out, and served to the public as “proof weed makes you crazy.”
That’s the real paranoia trip: watching how easily data gets twisted by agendas. Politicians, moral crusaders, and TV pundits are always waiting in the wings, ready to turn any whiff of uncertainty into a full-blown anti-cannabis sermon.
It’s science by press release—fueled by fear, not facts.
Weed, Worry, and the Human Condition
Yes, cannabis can mess with your head—especially if you’re new, anxious, or hitting the rocket fuel strains. But for many people, it’s also the one thing that calms the static. The line between relief and freakout can be thin, but it’s personal, not political.
Maybe instead of treating cannabis like some mysterious villain, we start treating users like grown-ups capable of figuring out what works for them.
Final Puff
So yeah, cannabis can make you paranoid—but not nearly as paranoid as watching cable news talk about cannabis.
Maybe the next study should look at how much caffeine the researchers were drinking while they wrote “self-medicating stoners are more paranoid.”
Because between the hype, the headlines, and the hash, I know who’s really losing touch with reality—and it’s not the folks passing the joint.
Dabbin-Dad Newsroom
