The alcohol industry just realized it’s not the only one making people feel good—and they’re not happy about it.
A gang of the biggest booze bosses in America — the ones behind your whiskey, your wine, and that craft beer that costs more than your lunch — have joined forces to tell Congress: “Ban the buzz that isn’t ours.”
That’s right. The same people who turned hangovers into a multibillion-dollar lifestyle want lawmakers to pull hemp-derived THC drinks off the shelves. Not forever, they say. Just until the government “figures out how to regulate it.” Which is basically corporate for “let us help write the rules so we still win.”
The Old Guard’s New Panic
It’s a classic tale of old money vs. new molecule. Ever since the 2018 Farm Bill cracked open the door for hemp products, a tidal wave of delta-this and THC-that has flooded the market. From fizzy hemp seltzers to mellow gummies, people suddenly realized they could catch a light buzz without touching a drop of alcohol—or risking a DUI.
Naturally, Big Booze saw its barstools emptying and decided it was time to “protect the consumer.” Their official complaint? The hemp market is a “Wild West” of unregulated intoxicants. The unspoken part? Those hemp drinks are stealing their customers—one chilled can at a time.
Booze and Politics: A Match Made in Lobby Heaven
The letter they sent to Congress reads like a hangover apology: sincere on the surface, self-serving underneath. They say they just want safety, consistency, and proper oversight. But when you strip away the buzzwords, it’s really about control.
Politicians, of course, are split like a bad martini. Some want to ban intoxicating hemp products outright. Others say that would crush farmers and innovation. Meanwhile, lobbyists are whispering in every ear on Capitol Hill, promising “clarity” while pouring campaign donations like shots at last call.
The Real Vibe Check
Here’s the truth: this isn’t about hemp vs. health. It’s about turf. For decades, alcohol has owned the legal intoxication market—taxed, celebrated, and sold on every corner. But hemp slipped through a legal loophole with a grin and a can of sparkling THC tonic.
Now the suits are panicking because the stoners found a way to party without the liquor license.
The Hangover Ahead
So where does this go? If Congress listens to the alcohol lobby, hemp drinks could vanish until “federal regulation” catches up—translation: until Big Booze gets a cut. But culture doesn’t move backward easily. People want choice. They want chill without chaos. And they’re not going to give up their THC seltzer just because the bourbon boys got jealous.
For now, the hemp industry keeps pouring and the liquor lobby keeps fuming. The real question isn’t who wins—it’s who ends up holding the tab.
Dabbin-Dad Newsroom
