So it’s Tuesday and I feel like I need a vacation. I didn’t get the chance to see my kids that much yesterday, which was a real bummer for me. The girls are my world. I love taking them outside to play or to the park. They are so full of life and not a care in the world. I miss that kind of innocence, it makes me want to give them everything I can. My parents tried to provide the best environment for me, they moved to better school system for my brother and I. We lived modestly in a family-owned home, they worked their tails off to pay for me to play sports and music. They taught me how to have a strong work-ethic and the will to always strive for greatness. I was taught to be humble, but to always stick up for yourself and others. All amazing traits that have made me who I am. I am extremely proud of what I have done in my life, my service, my education, and most importantly my family. I thank my parents every time I get for raising me and helping with my girls.
A few years ago, I was personally at rock-bottom. My career was fine, but I found it hard to get up in the morning. I would drink my pain away the night before and I would be a miserable to be around. If I wasn’t in school at night, I was drinking. Four to five times a week, $80-$100 nights at a discounted rate since I knew the owner of the bar. Money was no issue at the time, but my health was. I wasn’t seeking help from anyone! I was too afraid to tell Veteran’s Affairs that I had PTSD for fear that they would not let me back in the Marines. It would be 11 years before I talked about my problems to anyone outside of my family. I wanted to go back, because honestly I thought I wasn’t done. I still had that fire to serve my country. I lost some good friends to the War on Terror, but we all knew what we were doing. Sometimes, I wished that I had paid the ultimate sacrifice.
I have come a long way! I still seek therapy at the Veteran’s Affairs and medicate now daily with medical marijuana. I no longer get extreme bouts of anger. I know I should react only to the things that I can control, which isn’t other people. I hope any veteran reading this understands that there is help out there and if you are CT resident there are additional options. My family is my life, I work for them and I smoke so that I don’t lose them.